That Within
by turbomagnus
Summary: :Power Rangers Literati 16:  On a trying night, J.T. muses over the changes in his life since becoming a Ranger and remembers how it all started.


Author's note: I apologize to my loyal readers for the - I'll be the first to admit it - ridiculous delay in any new stories. Between trying to focus entirely on the next arc story - which is going far slower than I'd like since it takes me longer to write action sequences, but that's an explanation, not an excuse - work, moving, and a dozen other things I haven't taken as much time to write as I could, and should. With hope, this will start to make up for the delay and I'll try to put forth at least a couple more shorter stories while I'm finishing the big one and others to follow.

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Disclaimer: While I don't own the overall concept of Power Rangers, Zords, and all else that goes with it, I, along with the friends that are involved with the story, do own Power Rangers Literati itself and its components.

* * *

Power Rangers Literati  
"...That Within."  
By J.T. Magnus, "Turbo"

* * *

I don't know how the Power affects most Rangers. Then again, I'm not most Rangers. None of us are. As we've grown in the Power we've changed, some of us more than others - Amanda has what she calls 'Hollywood Magick' at her command, Jessica can heal more than just my broken heart...

'Dragon Spirit'. More than just words that change me from just a man into something more, something literally Powerful. Twenty years of anger, regret, humiliation, all buried deep where no one can see, waiting, fermenting, feeding the beast but only making it hungrier. The desire to tear a throat out when someone's words cross the line, the will to level anything between me and my prey, the urge to...

I feel them all. It drives me insane. There is an animal within me - metaphoric, of course, there's not a second being sharing my body, just a primal feeling within me - forever trying to claw its way out. The source of my powers, comfort and curse.

I don't know how the Power affects most Rangers. I don't even know honestly how it affects my own teammates... But to me, nights, times when I'm emotional, they're the hardest. They're when the beast cries out to me, screaming to be truely unleashed - to hunt, to fight, to conquer. I can smell fear, I can smell blood, I can smell prey and it calls to me. I can smell the city and the forest, the rivers and the sewers both and I feel the urge to fly, to stalk, to rule as a dragon should, as only a dragon can.

When memories of betrayal, dreams of passion, when they assault me it takes every ounce of control not to set loose what's inside me. When the night air is still and the sounds of wolves and sirens echo in through the window, I have to fight to not launch myself out it.

Sometimes I lose.

There are nights when I give in. Times when the only thing that allows me to keep my sanity is giving it up. Then the crime level is all that suffers, as DC/Marvel as it sounds. I find myself morphed and stalking the city. Beauty is skin-deep, but ugliness goes straight to the bone. Whoever said that lived in a city, because I know of no better way to describe one. Break-ins, drug deals, gang fights, attempts at murder... rape...

I see them when I stalk, when the dragon cries out and the night answers. Being a Power Ranger is becoming the physical embodiment of the belief that one person can make a difference, that a group of people together can change the universe. I wish I could say that was why I let my darker instincts lead me to the troubles of my city, to make a difference, but it would be a lie. When respect fails, respect for the law does not exist, when that happens all that's left is fear.

When the beast yearns, I can smell fear. Taste it. Few things feed the beast's hunger as bringing the feared to fear. As preying on the predators. As conquering those who seek to conquer. But never killing, what is... human in me denies it, refuses to kill, the beast allows it to, lets the defeated suffer the loss of their freedom to the mercies of the law, the humiliation that they weren't worthy of death. The police see it as more proof that we protect our city from more than just monsters and space aliens, proof that we're 'heroes' in the true sense of the word, that even a simple midnight mugging will bring down the fist of hell upon the criminal's head. Vigilantism and they love us for it. I give in and they see what they want to see... and the beast quiets, for a time, sated, bringing me respite, leaving my mind to me alone. An echoing silence from the need to be...

It's on those nights - nights like tonight - that I find myself there, on that porch swing, after the dragon's instincts have ran their course. I find myself returning not to my apartment, but to the place I feel at home...

* * *

In a second-floor bedroom, a figure stirred as their partner rejoined them in bed, "Is everything alright?"

"Yes, dear - he's just out there sleeping."

"Again? That's the sixth time this month, Blaine. Which, by the way, is also the date; the sixth!"

"I know - I'm torn. Part of me understands his protectiveness and another part of me wants to kill him for being this close to my baby girl."

"He knows he can come inside?"

"He knows, he just refuses to. The Marine in me can see his point - by being outside he's closer to anything happening, serves as a deterrant. Damn it, it's almost cute of them. She sleeps, he guards."

"No shotgun?"

"Yes, shotgun. I just don't know if I should use it to run J.T. off or send them to the altar."

* * *

I remember that Blaine once said something similar to me. I actually had to laugh. Marriage is just a ceremony, a few words and motions proclaiming to the world what the participants feel in their hearts.

Even if I didn't realize it at the time it happened...

Even if I only began to understand it years later, after becoming a Ranger...

I was her's from the moment we had met. My love, my wife, my mate, my strength, my life. That's why I would find my way to her house those nights, because the part of me that had driven me into the night needed to know she was safe. Yes, I know she can take care of herself. The fact that she ranks as the top person I respect and fear should say that...

But have you ever seen an animal protecting its mate? Try telling the dragon within that fact. I've been ready to smash someone's skull in for speaking to her in the wrong way. That's when I began to realize that the Dragon Spirit wasn't just part of the Power, it was part of me. The Power in my spirit, like the Power in my blood and flesh...

Like she is the power in my heart.

Both romantic and maudlin, I know. But that's me. A walking talking mass of confusions. Have been since the day my first world shattered. Not a pleasant feeling, believe me, to find out that everything you had taken for granted was just a smokescreen.

...For all the death threats, hard times and other things between us, that probably gives me the most non-blood connection with Amanda. Me and Starr, Jon and Amanda, all of it a mess of lies. For all that we throw at each other, we both know the feeling of losing the future before it can ever even arrive.

That and parents.

Where in the Big Book of Dating for Rangers is the chapter that says parents will ruin your life? Seriously. Her parents hate her boyfriend... fiancee... husband... whatever. They hate her chosen beliefs, her friends, her friends' beliefs. Actually, at the risk of sounding egotistical, I'm the only one they don't obviously hate, and that's simply because they're too scared of me to show hatred. They think I'll kill them in their sleep.

As if they were worth it...

Mine? Let's just say that the old man lives about two states away and I prefer it that way. Pompous, arrogant hypocrite, obsessed with controlling everyone else's lives... If I was to start in on him I'd be going for hours. Suffice to say we don't get along. My mother... well, I still acknowledge her as my mother, but... I think she forgets sometimes that I'm in my twenties with a steady job at a place I enjoy working and have a girl who loves me faults and all... and God knows I have plenty of those... But honestly, the day she tries to seriously come between Jessica and I, mother or not all bets are off. Hell, the whole reason I live in an apartment and not at home anymore is because of one day when they very nearly were...

* * *

Getting out of the car, J.T. snapped the velvet box closed with finality. He had finished school, finally, had a steady job at Highway 2 where he wasn't taken for granted...

Someone who actually loved him for him and not some idealized version that she wanted him to be...

The only relic of what he now considered his Great Stupid Time was a high school ring with his former-school's color stone and the initals of a girl that he hadn't really known at all. That was why he was there, to finally rid himself of the last trace of the worst ten months of his life, and best of all somebody else was paying for it.

Now if only they'd stop sticking their nose in and pay for it, he thought as he walked towards the building.

"Yes, MOTHER, I know exactly what I want."

"I'm just saying that it's supposed to be your high school ring, not her's. I don't see why you insist on putting that girl's initals on it. I warned you about it last time, you did it anyway and look what happened."

"That was different."

"No, it's not. Your class ring should be just that, your class ring. You're the one who earned it, not her."

J.T. stopped in the Josten's parking lot, "I earned it BECAUSE of her. You just... don't get it, do you, Mother? I was destroyed, I didn't care, I was coming apart from the inside... Jessica saved me, gave me a reason again... Whenever things got hard all I had to do was look at her, think of her and the rest was easy."

"That may be, but still the-"

"Can it, Mother. Two years," He was beginning to build up steam now, "For two years I've been listening to you degrade her. So I made a mistake with Starr, I paid for it. God, I paid for it. I had you telling me, Amanda telling me, even my heart telling me but I didn't listen and I paid for it. Now my heart's telling me different, and I've learned, I'm listening."

"No, you're not listening... I'm trying to tell you not to make the same mistake twice and you're not listening."

A fist clenched, "No, I'm listening alright. Just because we found each other when we were hurting you think Jessica and I won't last, that I refuse to learn..."

Grey eyes closed, holding back a storm of emotion, "But you're wrong. Two years, ten months, social lives, telly on the couch, there's big differences. A lifetime's worth of differences."

"I just don't want to see you ruin your life..."

The storm was unleashed as J.T.'s eyes snapped open, "To HELL with what YOU WANT, MOTHER! It's OUR LIVES, OUR LIFE! This isn't about a ring, this is about you being unable to accept that I've changed, I'm not the kid that made that mistake anymore, I know EXACTLY what it is that I'm doing! You might not understand it, you DON'T understand it, but I was reborn in her arms. No more doubts, no more questions, I know exactly who and what I am... and I also know this, MOTHER, that if I have to chose between you and her... you don't stand a chance in hell."

He looked down at the box in his hand, then threw it at her, "You really think the damn ring is so important? You keep it!"

"You're acting like a two-year old!"

"Considering some of the two-year-olds I know, I'm taking that as a COMPLIMENT! Don't worry about dinner, I WON'T be home," J.T. added, turning and walking toward the sidewalk, he'd spend the rest of the day in the woods, then see if Jessica's parents minded him joining them for dinner.

* * *

Two weeks later, J.T. took off his glasses and wiped away the sweat, smiling as they moved the last piece of furniture into his new apartment and set it in place.

"Thanks, guys... oh, and ye too, schpanky," He added with a nod at the black sheep of the group before returning his glasses to their place.

Jon, for his part, rolled his eyes. He wasn't exactly friends with J.T. and the others, but he still ended up around them anyway despite that. If nothing else, he could always count on them to be honest with him, for better or worse.

'Honesty,' the blond mused, 'Now that's something I don't get much of from anyone else, especially since David pulled that shit back then to trick me into driving Amanda off... Only wish I could've got to the bastard before John and Danny-boy did...'

"Not like I didn't have anything better to do, John," he added aloud, "If nothing else it saved me from having to pay for my own meals this week since you provided."

The redhead across the room shook her head as she sat down on the couch and curled her legs under her, "You're an ass, Maxwell."

"Well at least I don't look like one, not like your boyfriend," Jon retorted.

The intended target of the insult was unfazed, "'Nice try, Fred.'"

Amanda shook her head from her perch on a corner desk, "Can I just say that I hate you for moving out before me?"

J.T. blinked, "Considering that both Justin AND Daniel have been out on their own for a while already, you may not."

"That's different, they're not you."

He sighed, "Whatever makes ye happy."

On the couch, Jessica smiled, even after two years she still enjoyed listening to the way her boyfriend spoke; his accent sounded like a dozen places all at once, he had never been to any of the places people asked if he was from, but he sounded like he was. It was one of her favorite things about him, she could sit and listen to him talk or sing for hours, just basking in the way he enjoyed himself when he did.

"Interesting how you found an apartment just down the street from my house, Johnnie."

The dark haired young man gave a grin that was half innocence incarnate and half the satisfied smirk of a victorious warrior, "Innit."

"Oh, Goddess," Amanda groaned, "Not now, okay? Just not now!"

"'Not now', what, Mandi-chan?" Daniel asked, coming out of the kitchen with a can of cola in each hand.

"Jessica and the idiot are trying to make me lose my stomach, that's what," the petite blond answered, taking one of the cans from her own boyfriend, "If he starts singing that damn song, I'm finding a sword and lopping his head off."

"Hmph. Weapons bin is in the water heater closet, end of the hall, Shuichi," J.T. said, walking past Jon to sit down on the opposite end of the couch from Jessica, "Ya think ye can kill me, feel free ta try. Can't promise you'll survive the attempt, though."

"Would you two stop it?" Jessica asked, "We've spent the last five days moving things in here, I'm tired, I'm sure Daniel's tired, we don't need you two going on about killing each other today."

"She's right, Magnus," Daniel added, "Death threats tomorrow, tired today."

"Feh," J.T. responded, leaning back and closing his eyes, "Fine."

"Remind me again why I'm here," Jon demanded.

Without even opening his eyes, J.T. answered, "Bugger if I know, I sure as hell didn't invite ye."

"I wonder how Justin and Yolanda are doing on their date," J.T. added a moment later with a yawn when Jon didn't rise to the bait.

"They're not on a date!" Amanda near-shouted, "Yo needed to get some new herbs and stuff from Patriot Woods, Justin just drove her!"

J.T. opened his eyes and looked at Jon, who rolled his own in agreement.

"And agreed to help her carry her plants," J.T. countered.

"Sounds like a date to me," Jon agreed.

"They're not dating!"

"Amanda," Jessica said, calmly, "Yolanda's gone through three boyfriends in two years, can you really blame us for having fun about her dating habits?"

"She's like my sister."

"She's like everyone's sister, Amanda," J.T. said.

"Yeah, the annoying younger sister," Jon quipped.

Four voices echoed in unison, "Shut up, Maxwell."

"I can just feel the love," Jon retorted, "You knuckleheads are killing me."

"Nope," J.T. said with practiced ease, one of Jon's few good qualities in his opinion was that the other male was armed when it came to battles of wit, "That's day after tomorrow."

"You actually got that scheduled?" Jon asked, incredulously, jamming his hands into his jean pockets, "Really?"

Any further comment from the blond was cut off as the door behind him burst open and slammed him into the wall while a blur of pink and white shot into the apartment.

"Amanda, J.T. guess what I found out in the woods! Come on, guess! Guess!"

Amanda groaned, wondering where her best friend got all that energy from, she knew that the brunette didn't wear rosemary on her arm, "Yolanda, if you'll just give us a second we will."

"Oh. Sorry, Amanda," Yolanda said, blushing with embarrassment, "I kinda lost it, didn't I?"

"She had it?" Jon muttered from his place against the wall, prompting an empty cola can to be thrown at him from across the room.

"Anybody hurt?" Justin's voice drifted into the apartment a moment before he entered himself.

"Just Jon," Jessica informed him.

"Okay, then," Justin said with a nod.

Yolanda was getting impatient, "Guess!"

"The aliens have landed early and they want their tacos?" J.T. asked, referring to a running joke in the group.

"Nope!"

"Seven years early, J.T.?"

"Hey," He shrugged back at Daniel, "When we're talking about a five-thousand year taco run, seven years isn't that early."

"Good point. I'm pleased to have affected you so."

"It's not aliens and tacos," Yolanda told them.

"Can you give us a hint, Yolanda?" Jessica asked, determined not to let J.T. and Daniel completely derail the discussion.

"Oh, alright, I'll tell. You guys are no fun sometimes," Yolanda sighed, "I was looking for some mint and honeysuckle in the woods and I found this big stone... thing."

"Thing?" J.T. asked, "Big thing? Little thing? Oh... wait, you already said it was a 'big stone... thing'. Of course, that leaves a lot of things open; granite? Sandstone? Slate? And what kind of thing?"

"I don't know what kind of stone, just that it looked old, real old," Justin clarified, "It's a stone circle about, maybe, ten feet across with symbols carved on it."

"Symbols? What kind of symbols?" Amanda's curiosity was piqued.

"I don't know, Amanda," Yolanda answered, "I didn't recognize any of them. They were mostly triangular, that's all I know... Come on, let's go look, maybe you'll know them!"

Amanda was interested, but not in the mood for it that day, not that she'd tell Yolanda that when the girl was so excited, so she looked over her shoulder at her boyfriend for help. Daniel groaned, inwardly, he loved Amanda with all his heart, but he hated it when she did this.

"Can you wait until tomorrow, Yolanda? Then we'll ALL go with you."

Little did he know what that would lead to.


End file.
